


The Crazy Adventures of Sherlock Holmes the Cat, In Which He Is High

by bakerst



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Cocaine, Other, Platonic Relationships, cat!lock, high!catlock, somewhat stupid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-18
Updated: 2014-04-21
Packaged: 2018-01-16 06:17:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1335127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bakerst/pseuds/bakerst
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock's experiment goes wrong, and he gets turned into a kitty!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sherlock Is So High He's Flying, Which Is A Lot Like Falling

"What happened, Sherlock?" John asked.  
"Oh, my experiment messed up and now I'm a feline," Sherlock said, licking his little black paws.  
It was the cutest thing ever, John thought, Sherlock, a cat!  
"Anyways," Sherlock purred. "Give me food."  
"Why, now of all times, do you want food?"   
"Because I'm a cat, John. Give me food."  
"No."  
"Yes."  
"No."  
"But you cannot resist the furry..." Sherlock mewled, and danced around on his hindquarters.  
"Are you high?" John asked incredulously.  
"Maybe YOU'RE high."  
"No, I'm not high, Sherlock."  
"Maaaybe you are...come on, why isn't this working?"  
"Sherlock, I'm not high, stop it, and yes, I'll get you some food. Just ask."  
John walked over to the kitchen and reached for the old cat food Mrs. Hudson kept around.  
"No John, this is the kitty food." And Sherlock reached up and grabbed the Froot Loops, and he fell to the floor, and the Froot Loops spilled everywhere.  
"Oh god, Sherlock-DON'T YOU EAT THAT, NO, BAD KITTY, STOP ITTTT!" John yelled.  
Sherlock was licking the Froot Loops off the floor.  
"Now, John, I require some beer."  
"No."  
"Give it to me."  
"No."  
"Please with Froot Loops on top?"  
"No."  
"Then I shall get it myself." And Sherlock grabbed the can of beer and dropped it onto the Froot Loops.  
John watched Sherlock lick up the beer/Froot Loops (it looked like vomit).  
"When you die from sugar and alcohol intake, I'll write why on your grave."  
"Don't care, the beer and the Frooty Loopsers are delicious."  
"Nice."  
"Now, I want some of my stash."  
"NO. DRUGS."  
Sherlock walked over to his stash AND BEGAN EATING THE CRACK.  
"You nutball. Drugs will kill a cat. Don't-stop it. Oh come on." John sighed.  
"Yummy crack. I high. Probs. Wow much light. Some fur. Awesome dark. Want sun. Eat dinner. More beer. More Frooty Loopers. More cases. Less stupid Anderson."  
"I give up, Sherlock."


	2. We're Still High Over Here

"Sherlock, don't eat that," John said. Sherlock was still a cat.  
"But IT TASTES LIKE HAPPY RAINBOWS WITH UNICORN VOMIT," Sherlock whined.  
"No."  
"I SHALL RETIRE TO ISENGARD WITH PLUSH LEGOLAS-"And Sherlock flounced off to his room.  
"Sherlock, are you high?"  
"WELL DUH YOU LET ME EAT CRACK-"  
"I DIDN'T LET YOU EAT CRACK!"  
"YEEES YOU DID. AND NOW MUMMY AND MYCROFT WILL CRY AND THEN GET HIGH ANNNNND WE'LL ALL BE HIGH TOGETHER-"  
"NO"  
"YES"  
"I GIVE UP"  
and John gave up.


	3. The Crime Scene

"Sherlock, I have to go. It's your job." said John.  
"But I'm a talking animal, John. So mhhm."  
"How about you stay here?"  
"Fine."  
As soon as John shut the door, Sherlock jumped out the window.  
He landed on the overhead banner with a pat, and fell onto the hard pavement. Sherlock drunkenly stumbled through the feet of the crowd, searching for the address. He eventually came upon the spot, and headed in. Reminding himself he was at a crime scene, he started deducing. Here is the deductions: -Bottle=glass? eatey thing? water? moop -Painting=dats pwetty. river and boat! food they got milk. His entire deductions continued in a similar fashion, with waving words. He felt utterly sick and returned to Baker St.


	4. Downtime

Sherlock locked himself in the apartment, and reached for the clicker. He flipped the telly to MTV, an.d sat on the couch with some Froot Loops. He remembered John doing the case and felt rather lonely. So he threw himself in the fireplace and burned.   
THE END MAYBE


End file.
